1. we listen to directions
  2. you always know where we are
  3. we love to be aggressive
  4. we like to push hard, but not hard enough to get hit
  5. we can fire off hundreds of rounds without getting tired
  6. we always wear protection
  7. we always perform great in any situation
  8. we’re good at aiming
  9. we’ll take hits for you
  10. we only play spots where you feel comfortable
  11. we have big guns

 

11. Pet owl would attack computer mice and leave deposits on keyboards
10. Wand might misfire at annual meeting, killing shareholders
9. Invisibility cloak would hide him from users, management
8. He’d keep slapping servers and yelling “Repairum Serviosa!”
7. He’d replace data-center door with portrait of password-hungry fat lady
6. Flaming cauldron would set off fire-suppression system
5. He’d behave too much like a manager, waving wand and expecting results
4. He’d write all his command-line interfaces in Latin
3. He’d keep trying to link PC’s via floo network
2. Server-room Quidditch. ‘Nuff said
1. Would you leave a whiny teenager with identity issues alone in your data center?